Day 2.

Okay, so today was the lucky day that all the freshman get to go to their future high school to get, class schedules, id pictures, and last but not least, TEXTBOOKS! Yay! Yeah. Right. I spent the day lying to my physician about my sexual history. And standing in a line with a bunch of other freshman that are probably way more sexually active then I am. 

Anyways, back to visiting said future high school, this girl that has a 'questionable' reputation, ended up hanging out with my in line today. She is dropping choir because her boyfriend doesn't want her to take it. And here comes the best part, her boyfriend doesn't even go to our school. It was almost like a surreal moment. Who does that? I mean, come on, we're in the twenty-FIRST century. They bitched all last century about how women can't vote and how women couldn't hold a job and how women couldn't do anything better the men according to, of course, men. And then, when we're finally allowed to do whatever the hell we want, some 14 year old insecure slut decides to set modern society back like 20 years? Way to go. 

In addition to this, my super popular, super insecure best guy friend is talking about how he doesn't want to be the boy that makes any girl like that. But, isn't this the same guy that was willing to change his entire personality to get people to like him? The same guy that wanted to be the one that was 'remembered' out of all the other people. This is all he wants. He wants his friends to worship the ground he walks on. And any time someone gets an extra friend, he goes ballistic. And his excuse is that he's 'an attention whore.' Great, and he's not really doing anything to change that, even better. 

Hm, day 1 in high school. Meeting all the people who think they're way to good to be there with us commoners. Then there are the girls who want to be the future 'Libby Chestler's of school, you can see them walking around trying to get tips on how to act like you don't care. It's a very reassuring thing, that in an environment when sex, drugs, and rock and roll is all on someone's mind, that I'm suppose to get through 3 honors classes, 2 music classes, and p.e., in addition to volunteer work, and other school things, can't wait. 

Day 1.

So, this blogging thing is kind of new to me. Is it an everyday thing? Or when something catches my eye do I just start blogging about it. Because let me say, if I blogged about every single thing that caught my eye, I would have pretty much no time for anything else. 

Anyways, today I was thinking about people. Mostly the people in my life. I was scrolling through my buddy info on aim, with the annoying little info buttons on the right. So I clicked them just so they would go away, and of course, after clicking them, the person's buddy info pops up. It's amazing, half of the people on my buddy list have calendars of what they're going to be doing for the next month or two. But honestly, how many people want to know what this person will be doing on September 16th? If your close to that person, just ask them. And If they're doing this to keep track of their dates, then why does everyone else have to see it? Is it just some way of letting everyone know that they have a life? Because honestly, if it takes that much to let the people around you let you know that  you have a life, then you really don't have one do you? 

Next, everyone has these status messages about what's going on in their life. The majority of these one-liners are about how 'friendly' these people are. Like someone putting on their status message, "Omg, I have to get Michelle a birthday present (she's making me write this)". Seriously, what's the point of a message like this, just so that everyone around you will know that your close to Michelle? Besides, it doesn't really help Michelle at all. And the pathetic part is that it's totally see through. Your only doing it to make yourself seem more important. And more then that, it's really annoying when people talk about people no one else knows. Like one of the boys talking about the new people he met on his soon to be freshman high school basketball team. He just wants to let the rest of us know that he's making friends. Well great for him, but if his new "friends" are as interesting, then would he really have time to care about making the rest of us feel like social rejects next to him? Well yay for you dude, you made your friends feel like losers, congrats. 

Anyways, I guess the last thing that's really bugging me about the internet postings of my friends, are the fact that they all have not only a facebook, but a myspace, a tumblr, a twitter account, a blog, and anything else you can name. What's the point? Do they really think that by posting their pictures and intrests on 5 different sites, it makes them that much more important? If you have 5 different sites that people pretend to love because they think your "cool", does that mean you actually are? And seriously, what 14 year old has so much information to share with the world, that it takes 5 different accounts to do it. Or is it just people being vain? And the people that do this, are also the ones with 3 different screen names. And in addition to these screen names, they all have their actual names in their screen name. Are they afraid we're going to forget or something? It seems like half of them just like seeing their name plastered everywhere. But if they keep it going, their names really will be plastered everywhere, and not for the best of reasons if you know what I'm saying. 

First thoughts.

Well, I've just finished watching Big Brother. That game. I don't know what it is. The lying, the deception, the backstabbing, it almost makes me feel as though I'm back in school. 

I guess to fully understand any of what I'll be blogging about, you'll have to first get to know me. I'm starting high school in about 2 weeks. And, while the world around me is looking forward to new adventures, new friends, new ideas, I'm still having trouble recovering from the old ones. The people I'm entering this 'life experience', are not some of my favorites. My best friend is probably the most superficial person you will ever meet. She's not really that bright either. She just asked me about 20 minutes ago if she could become a princess by marrying a prince only. My other best friend and I had a conversation the other day about how he wants to just be someone who's liked by others. That's his goal in life. Screw charity, or even himself, as long as everyone loves him, who gives a crap what kind of person he is. I guess I should be kind of flattered that he shared this with me, but I'm not, I can't help but be anything other then pissed off that some guy would change his whole image just to get a bunch of fakes to say, "Hey" when he walks down the hall. Is that every teenager's secret dream? And then on top of this, I have this whole kind of weird thing with one of my really close friends. He likes me, yes, I've known about it for a while, and I try to ignore it. It's not that he's not sweet or caring or totally perfect for me, it's that, I'm not totally perfect for him, despite what he says. 

I guess you can say I'm kind of cynical. I'm starting to not believe in love, or faith, or really anything with an optimistic side, but the again, it really depends on what kind of mood you catch me in. Some days I feel like putting on Godsmack and telling everyone what complete assholes they are. (So if I say it's a Godsmack kind of day, you'll get what I mean.) Other times I feel like listening to Mandy Moore sing about her eternal love with Shane West in A Walk To Remember. But most of the time, I just feel like listening to All Time Low and just tuning out the rest of the world. I'm the complete opposite of what I am. I know that doesn't make any sense, and I'm not really trying to be confusing, it's just how I feel. I feel like if I met me on the street, I would either totally love me, or more likely, totally hate me. I admit I can be totally hypocritical (something that has been pointed out to me many times), but most of the time, I just feel like Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye, I feel like, everyone else is just faking who they are, wanting to fit in, willing to do anything to be 'accepted'. And those people aren't the kind of people I want to be around, but then again, when I go out of the house worrying if my hair is perfect, then does that mean I'm more like them then I could ever want to be? 

Hm, I guess to get to know me better, you should know the kind of things that bug me. In my opinion, if you know what bugs a person, you can almost figure them out entirely. Well, let's see, it bugs me when people overuse the phrase 'random', it bugs me when people talk about loving to dance like no one's watching, but who actually does that when people are around? That's right, no one, especially the people that preach about it. It seems like those people are the ones who are focused on who's watching them more then anyone else. It really bugs me when people try to intimidate other people. I guess I know that sometimes people deserve what's coming to them, but come on, we're 14 years old, do you really need to go with your friends, trying to prove that your some bad ass by telling off a little girl? No, I don't think so, in my opinion, it just makes you an ass. Besides, who's to judge who's right and who's wrong? You think that just because you have your tall friends behind you crossing their arms in makes you God? No, I don't think so, it just makes you as pompous, arrogant, and insecure as the person you're intimidating. 

Ay, speaking of things that bug a person, my popular-pleasing friend has just asked me what they can do to be more like me, how the hell should I know. Besides, who really wants to be like me, as it has been mentioned many times, I'm the most hated girl in school, which I still find highly unlikely, because I hardly know half the kids at school, but I guess it makes some people feel better to say that. Anyways, people are always talking about how 'strong' or 'popular' I am, but I don't want to be that way. But if someone's being a bitch to someone else, I'm not just going to stand by and let it happen just because that someone happens to have a cousin in a gang or something. And either way, I don't want anyone to be like me. I like being me. I like being to social reject that wants to be in the back of the class listening to her ipod and drawing stars on the inside of her wrist. That's what I like to do. But instead, I'm the girl at the front of the class, trying to ignore the people around me asking me about what I think of their sweater, or their boyfriend, or what I thought of Gossip Girl last night. Either way, my friend says even if I don't want to be a leader, I have no choice, because people follow me. I wonder if they realize that I have no idea where I'm going? And besides, if these are my friends following me, what I really want, is friends that aren't timid enough to follow some fake punk rocker chick. 

I guess the big problem with me (other then using the phrase "I guess" way to often), is that I'm not your average 14 year old girl. I'm not saying that to praise myself, or to even classify myself as a "special" girl, whether special means beautifully tormented, or just plain lovely, I realize that I don't want the same things my friends want. I don't care if some girl accepts me, screw her. I don't care if people think I'm good at band, I like art. I don't care if I have a stupid boyfriend, I don't even like the label "boyfriend". But this doesn't stop me from being hated by many (some say it's jealousy, I prefer not to look into that), an amazing clarinetist, and liked by a total of 14 boys last year. It only means that, I can have everything someone else wants, and still be more miserable then they are. But don't feel bad for me yet, maybe high school will be an amazing change? Yeah, right. 

First post. Love it or hate it.

This isn't a blog where some prom queen pretends to be a poser who's really interested in something other then being the hottest girl on campus. This isn't a blog where the girl with a 5.0 GPA talks about how her pressure from home is taking her to the breaking point. This isn't a blog where the misfit talks about all of the family problems that brought her to the point she is now. This isn't a blog where the average girl talks about wanting to be accepted and willing to do almost anything to get it. And lastly, this isn't a blog about the sweet girl who wants the boy, and obsessive over whether said boy feels the same about her. 

I guess you can say this is a blog about a girl who knows what she likes, knows what she doesn't, but doesn't know where to go from there. She knows that she doesn't fit into a clique or even a label. She knows that her friends don't really know her all that well. She knows that her friends, no matter how close they may be, all want the opposite of what she wants. So where do you go from there? I guess that's what I'm trying to find out. If you have any suggestions, feel free to help out.